The Art Of Recognizing Discord

"Look into the center of the spoke pattern for 20 seconds. Now look at a blank sheet of paper. The negative of the image emerges from nowhere and shimmers with a circular motion. Why? Neuroscientists know why a negative afterimage appears: The pattern simply exhausts nerve cells that sense white spokes. But they don't yet understand why a static image creates a perception of motion." ~ Discover Magazine
Have you ever had one of those days where you just wish things would go right for once? I've had a lot of those recently. I've tried so damn hard to bring about change, in my life, to find every door literally slammed in my face.

I realize I need help and I can not do this alone anymore. The difficult part isn't seeing what it would take to put my life back on track. The difficult part is reaching out because I don't trust anyone after the things I have been through.

My life feels so out of whack.

I realize some of these things I did to myself, but I keep asking myself when I'll finally get a break from it all.

All I ever wanted was to feel loved. Is that so wrong?

What did I ever do to deserve this difficult fucking life of mine?

I can't stop seeing how everything connects around me. It's like my mind is fragmented into a million different pieces with every thought connecting to everything else.

The sad part is in knowing that this was done to me for the sole purpose of someone else trying to manipulate my thoughts.

I see what is happening, but I lack the communication skills to put it into words.

I have never lied about anything which has taken place these past two years.

I have been monitored, at times, but I don't know why or if I'm the only one. I keep questioning if it is because my thoughts can't be controlled, in a given link of thoughts, which connect to all people.

My fear is that what took place on September 11th really was because someone figured out a way to synchronize world events.

Worse yet, I keep pondering about some of the things I uncovered about the Bible around the same time that Trojan was put on my computer. I keep asking myself if this is the reason I'm being singled out.

I've been completing more and more logic problems lately to try and remap the neurotransmitters in my brain. I am becoming faster at them but it doesn't take my depression away.

Ironically, I have no difficulty explaining why a static image of a wheel creates a perception of motion.

It's the same reason a man would stand knee deep in water and measure a wheel in the sky with a rod.

It's the same rod which parted the seas and delivered the children of Israel from being swallowed up by the ocean.

It's the same ocean which brought an ark to Mt. Ararat to receive a covenant signified by a rainbow.

It's the same rainbow which surrounds the seventh angel who promised eternal life to all of those who could decode the song of God.

The song is called

"The Ballad Of Ezekiel's Wheel"

The frequency it produces can not be heard with the human ears.

Knowing Without Knowing Why

"The soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul." ~1 Samuel 18:1






















Today was the first day, in a long time, I felt as if I finally accomplished something. I've been trying to find answers about what has happened to me, since September 11th, to no avail.

I've looked through numerous psychology books, spiritual books, and books on the human brain. The only two which even came close to describing my symptoms were about neurotransmitters misfiring and kundalini releasing too soon in the human body.

Well, I finally figured out some of the reasons why I had the breakdown last year. Yes, I wrote to someone I really admired, who is very well known, and all it did was mentally fuck me up more.

This person spent 2 years writing words on her blog which could be associated with words on mine. Did she do it on purpose to victimize me or was it merely a coincidence? I still don't know the complete reasons why this continues to happen to me, but the blogs still match at times.

However, I do know it is a normal reaction for a person to wonder and to question why when something happens to them which can not be explained.

Eventually, more time passed and I became obsessive because our blogs constantly matched even though she didn't write to me that often.

I began questioning my own sanity, at times, especially when I would think a thought at the exact same time she wrote about some of the same thoughts I had just had previously.

I mean, was some sort of psychic phenomena happening to me, or was this someone fucking with my head just because she knew she could manipulate me and my thoughts?

The more obsessive I became, the more psychic things began to happen to me in my life. It frightened the shit out of me at times.

I would literally say something, to someone, and walk around the corner to find someone else uttering the same words I just did. However, the individuals involved were never within earshot to hear the previous conversation which took place.

There have been other events which have frequently taken place as well.

I've been on hold, to a customer service agent on a telephone line, and my mind has drifted off. Often times, I've brought up topics to find the operator had just been discussing the same thing with someone else while I was on hold.

I mean, all I kept wondering is what in the fuck was happening? What in the fuck was I picking up on? Was I going crazy?

Could it be possible for my ears to be picking up on something even though it was at a decibel which couldn't possibly be heard with the human ears? Or was this some form of telepathy?

I finished reading book after book and it only made me ask more questions for which I had no answers.

But finally, a light turned on.

Remember, previous posts where I showed various illusions which the eyes often create lies about?









Often times, the human mind fills in blanks which simply don't exist.

Yes, often times the association centers in the brain fills in things which are not accurate. Scientists theorize this is due to a survival mechanism, in the brain, which provides a person a chance to escape before a potentially traumatic situation might take place. So the brain fills in the blanks, with inaccurate information, sort of as a precognition.

So what might happen, if someone were to constantly victimize a person, to get them to react or to get them to a delusional enough state?

The answer is simple. The victim would over-associate things as a means to survive even if it meant creating a false reality to ensure survival.

I have a hypothesis. I believe the lines in the illusion are filled in by the minds of others in the energy field which surrounds a person. Bare with me. I'll try to explain.

















When an individual looks at the picture one way, no lines are there. However, what can't be seen is still felt. Thus, a complete line is created to fill in the illusion.

I believe, parallel lives really do exist. I believe it is these inaccurate associations which connect one life to the other through space and time. One angle connected to another angle to produce multiple perceptions of the the puzzle which creates reality.

However, once a complete sentence is formed by linking lives, it affects a life which is parallel to yours. In other words, your brain and the person's brain parallel to yours essentially become one or "knitted" together.

Twins.












Do you understand yet?

It took me reading a book, on remapping the neurotransmitters in the brain, to finally figure it out.

I tried covering up my left eye to force activity to occur in another portion of my brain to see if it would change anything. It did nothing for me.

However, I then became more educated and realized focusing on what my eyes could see, and not what was felt, might help me to stop "filling in the blanks" of the illusion which had become my life.

Who would have thunk it? I've spent nearly every day for the last two weeks trying to finish one logic problem. It was so fucking difficult. The numbers for one item would often end up becoming the numbers for another item because of my brain associating the wrong items and "feeling" the energy of others.

But today, yes today, I finally experienced success.

I was able to finally focus long enough to complete one logic problem without over associating things!!!

This re-mapping the brain shit really does work. Who would have thunk it?

I don't so much mind being psychic at times but nobody else has the right to manipulate my thoughts to get me to a delusional enough state to make a profit off of it. Realistically, the only people who really want to do this to others are brainwashed into conforming to one belief system, control freaks, losers, or people who belong to a cult they can't escape from.

Thoughts Are Energy

"Music is the language of vibration & at the most basic level, vibration is the basis of all known reality"~author unknown







Has anyone ever questioned why some forums, on the Internet, provide a selection of avatar pictures which a visitor can opt to choose from instead of creating their own original one?

I have a theory. You're going to like this one.

It's because the picture a person chooses provides insight to the way that person thinks.

Picture this.

A blog or a website is created with a writer who writes about multiple topics or anything they are thinking about on a particular day.

Next, visitors can log on and post comments only after choosing an avatar picture.

Next, the forum moderator creates a computer program which places all individuals who choose the same avatar picture in one group. This is done without the people involved realizing it or understanding why.

The next group contains people who chose avatar pictures which relate to previous subjects which were blogged about, but who joined the forum without prior knowledge of the previous posts.

And so on, and so on.

The moral of the story is this.

If a person stays at the same website long enough, the same individuals future actions can eventually become predetermined.

It's not rocket science- just common sense.

Ironically, I was once a member of a forum like the one being mentioned here. Eventually, I moved on with my life and didn't give the place any more of my energy.

What saddens me isn't living in a world where people are constantly being monitored by those who make more money and who can afford to monitor others.

What saddens me is to think some people monitor the lives of others to financially benefit from it or to manipulate the way people think to make a sale.

If you think what I've mentioned here isn't happening or isn't possible, think again.

It happens with every word someone writes on the Internet.

A bot scans websites and provides snapshots of them to make it easier to categorize them and to file them away.

You put in an employment application, using a computer at a near-by office, and the same computer scans your resume to see if certain words come up. Some people don't realize it. It's these words which make you eligible to move on in the interview process.

Yes, sometimes these words can make a liar get a job or leave an illiterate person out in the cold. The only thing that matters is if a person knows which words to type in.

I wonder if anyone has ever contemplated just how programmed society is becoming.

Just know. Thoughts might not be the only thing which land you that new job. Thoughts are also energy.
















It has been proven that prayer really does work even though medical professionals can't explain why.

Yes, a person who becomes ill, and is thought about, automatically acquires a better survival rate.

Now, I don't condemn spirituality on any level. I never have.

However, I don't particularly care for people who use religion to manipulate the way people think until they lose the ability to think for themselves.

Nor do I care for a computer program which decides who is best for the job and who isn't.

There is no hope in a world where someone decides the fate of another.

There is no God in subliminal advertising or thought manipulation.

I don't believe God would pre-judge a dyslexic either.

I don't think God would hide the truth from people or dangle a false reality in front of them while promising a lie.

No. I doubt God would ask someone to sale their soul for potential advancement.

There is no love in that.

Thin Lines

There is a thin line between
Those who take more then what is given and
Those who give and always get taken

There is a thin line between
Someone who lets go easily and
Someone who doesn't care at all

There is a thin line between
The person who loves too much with their heart and
The person who is enabled by too much love

There is a thin line between
Those who play the victim and
Those who victimize others

There is a thin line between
The history the majority chooses to see and
The minority who sees no place in history

There is a thin line between
One person's angle of perception and
All angles which formulate reality

There is a thin line between
The lie some eyes never see and
The unseen truth some eyes never look for

I long to live in a world
Which is free from illusions
I long to live in a world
Where there are no more thin lines

What Wires Together Fires Together; To Put It Out Of Sync, Take Away The Link

Prior to the past two years, I never realized just how much I gravitate towards the things I do or exactly why.

In modern times, neuroscientists have proven that neurons which fire together wire together. However, I wonder if anyone has ever contemplated whether the out of sync neurons in one person's brain could possibly link to the out of sync neurons in another person's brain creating an electromagnetic pull between both parties.

In ancient Eastern practices, it is said that opening up the higher mind leads one to a sense of oneness with all things. Could this oneness also possibly have something to do with synaptic connections?

And what about the person who senses things even though they don't want to? I sometimes wish I could close my eyes and wake up tomorrow and become ignorant again. To be honest, being intuitive sometimes frightens me.

I never asked for my eyes to see the things they see at times, and I certainly never wanted to comprehend what the term "interconnectivity" means. Worse yet, it scares me to think some people might have the power to control the lives of others which are linked to theirs through space and time.

I sometimes wonder if scientists realize that parallel realities really do exist. Perhaps some people just don't see it. That's all.

I mean, who in the fuck would believe me if I told them I was writing letters to a complete stranger, for nearly 2 years of my life, only to find out our lives were intertwined somehow?

I know, to some, what I'm saying makes absolutely no sense. To be honest, I could give a shit because I know I'm telling the truth. That Trojan was put on my computer, in 2007, for a reason. Of course, today it happened to me again. Yes, I saw how things "connect", and watched the stars align again, even though I didn't want to.

The celebrity wrote on her blog and stated she just got a new haircut and a new tattoo. However, a complete stranger was the only person who cared enough to even notice it.

How ironic. Today was the first day, in almost 3 months, I finally could afford to get my hair done. I was beginning to look a bit like a sheep dog. I was going to write about it but decided not to because I saw which blogs synchronized with my thoughts, and so I remained silent instead.

Funny thing. After reading her blog, I went to my storage unit to let the lady behind the counter know I would have to pay this month's bill next month because I couldn't afford it now.

She just smiled and told me it was all right and handed me the amount of the new bill over the counter.

On her right arm, I noticed what appeared to be a freshly painted tattoo.

So I asked her, "Is that a new tattoo? I didn't see that last month when I was here."

"Yes," she said "I just got it done. You're the first person who noticed it."

All I kept thinking to myself was, "I wonder if the celebrity has a new tattoo which can be associated with religion somehow."

I couldn't stop staring at this girl's arm.

The word FAITH stood out like a neon sign embedded in purple ink.

It seems it doesn't matter how hard I try. Every thing I do syncs right back to the life of a person I've never even met before.

Around every corner, I see her face.

Through every mouth, she speaks to me, even when the mouth which is talking isn't hers.

I try not to see it, but even when I close my eyes I still feel it.

I try not to hear it, but my ears wont let me not listen to the words.

I'd like to tell people I'm crazy, but I'm not. My life would certainly be a hell of a lot easier if I could diagnose myself with some sort of disease.

This energy, I sometimes feel, frightens me.

I only hope to learn how to control it one day.

Perhaps, to some, what I feel might be considered a gift.

I'd like to ask these same people to walk in my shoes for one day.

Perhaps they would change their mind.

I long to put hope back in my life again, but it is difficult to focus on just myself when I see how my thoughts connect to everything else around me. There can be no hope in a world where the future is already predetermined.

Looking Beyond Now

Last night I said a prayer and asked God to take away my sickness. This morning I woke up and my fever was gone. Sometimes I think God speaks to me when I am sleeping. It frightens me sometimes to see the things I see which I can't put into words. It's difficult to explain something I don't understand and yet I know things without knowing why I know them. Oddly enough, my life has been this way since September 11th.

I see things. Does that make any sense? I see sometimes without using my eyes. Things just pop into my head and I don't know why. Then I do research on the things I think about and realize there is a great deal of truth behind where those thoughts came from.

Sometimes my thoughts frighten me. The only thing which makes me feel safe is the knowledge that everything happens for a reason. I long for the day to come when I can put all of the pieces together and see a future which isn't fragmented.

A Different Kind Of New Year's Eve

I’d like to tell people I did something this New Year’s Eve. I’d like to say I went out and had a wonderful time with family and friends. I’d like to say I woke up today with a hangover after a night filled with laughter.

However, I did none of these things. The truth is that I simply don’t trust anyone anymore. It seems, some of the most deceitful people are chameleons. Right now, it feels safer to just keep people at a distance.

I’m going to try not to talk about how difficult my life is anymore. I realize self-pity solves nothing. I’ve been sleeping in my car for 5 months now. I know there are people out there who are experiencing far more difficult times then I am having now. I’m grateful to at least have a car which is paid for. Some people don’t even have that.

I don’t so much mind feeling all alone at night.

The hard part is waking up and feeling the same way and not being able to focus on something which will bring about change in my life.

I wonder if there is anyone else in this world who did the same things I did on New Year’s Eve.

I bought myself breakfast at my favorite restaurant and sat alone in the corner like I usually do.

It’s been over a month, but I decided to start working out again. It’s cold outside, but I’ve been forcing myself to walk at least an hour each day.

I went to the library and checked out every book I could find on how the human brain functions. My mind seems to be a sponge when it comes to books lately.

Art. Dynamic Symmetry. Theology. I can’t seem to stop trying to seek answers for the unexplainable events which have taken place in my life after September 11th.

I’ve spent hours, the last couple of days, reading about neuroplasticity and how a person can train their brain to re-map itself by forcing neurotransmitters to fire in one area of the brain to make up for another area where they are not firing properly anymore.

So I went out and bought myself some pencils. I’ve never been good at art, but at least I tried. I spent a couple of hours tracing intricate lines with a patch over my left eye. I don’t know if it will do any good. I’ve been getting horrible headaches the last couple of days. I wonder if that is normal???

I talked to my mother and my grandmother on the phone and told them I loved them. I bought a package of Cinnamon rolls, but they were too rich and they made me sick, so I handed what remained to some homeless woman on the corner. She seemed happy to get them and told me she was craving sweets because she had just given up drinking.

My response was, “I guess I was meant to be at this intersection then.”

My life has always been that way, I suppose.

A series of intersections where strangers always pass in the dark. Nothing seems to last forever.

I spent an hour reading the Bible before bedtime. Then, I said a prayer to God.

I asked him to help me overcome things and to help me to find some form of love to put back in my life again.

I asked him to show me what hope means in a world where so many seem to live an existence just to take hope away from other people.

Then I closed my eyes…

And I cried myself to sleep.